The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
