Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
