theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
In America we eat man semen.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
