oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
