im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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