I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
