I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
