you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
