Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
