I need help removing her.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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