She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
sex in a hospital.. check
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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