That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
