There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This baby is an asshole
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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