The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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