mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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