you guys were way drunker than both of me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize