Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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