the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
