hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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