the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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