I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
