I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
