Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
