You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
