Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
