Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
