if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
