Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
