i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
