This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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