Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize