I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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