oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have demons in me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
