"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
