I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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