i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The best revenge is premature balding
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize