Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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