dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
