stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
