How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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