I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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