do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
