In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
