I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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