im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
