Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
