the condom got lost in my hair
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
