my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Let's paint friendship bongs
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
