SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
