you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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