fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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