What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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