I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
