i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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