Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
