i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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