So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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