Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
