complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And then he peed in my hair
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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