After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
