I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
