I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
