So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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