winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize