College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
