True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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