masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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