yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
