so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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